When the goodbye hugs started mid morning, so did my tears. That happened once more during the day and
again when I was telling my roommate about it all at home. I’ve cried more today than I have in a long
time. I’m so sad. I’m grieving the loss of co-workers, the way
things were, the trust I had in company leadership to some extent, the naive
safety I felt in a fun place like livingsocial.
I miss it all. In the midst of
the sadness, I’m confused, frustrated, hurt, and somehow still shocked that
it’s all real. As a result of all of
that, I’m struggling with being thankful to still have my job. I know excitement and gratitude don’t always
go hand in hand in life. But now I’m realizing that having one without the
other is really difficult. Since sadness
has replaced my excitement currently, thankfulness is hard to come by.
November 30, 2012 – The day after layoffs is painful in a different way. You’re still adjusting the loss of what was and the friends who were let go, as well as being left with their work. There were moments I wanted to believe it was all a bad dream. But the 3+ hours of video conference meetings with leadership attempting to explain why and share the vision for where we’re going snapped me back to reality pretty quickly. The short and incredibly simplified explanation is that it had to do with long term profitability. That meant having to make some hard decisions. In some small way, it was comforting to hear the CEO say yesterday was hard for him too. I guess acknowledging it was a good starting point, at least for me. He walked through the vision for 2013 and as defeated as I felt yesterday, the vision for tomorrow is a good one if all goes according to plan. Through the course of this week I have learned that the “if” can make all the difference. It’s the nature of business. Even the best analysts can’t know answers to the “ifs”.
As this ridiculously tough week comes to a close and as
much as I wish things hadn’t changed, I’m thankful to have been in the office
yesterday to ride the emotional roller coaster.
I definitely don’t want to do it again anytime soon, but unfortunately large scale lay offs are common
in companies with a big vision for the potential to come. I learned a lot and I’m not sure the experience would have been as impactful or real had I not been in the office to live the
emotion first hand. I’m also not sure
all the lessons can be articulated into words.
They are intangibles; shifts in thinking, perspective, understanding,
confidence. I was naively innocent in
terms of harsh business reality before.
I’m not now. Emphasizing all the
more, that the only sure thing is the Rock on which I stand. My heart longs all the more to be more deeply rooted in
that foundation.
